The Philosophy of 'Who Gets the Spanking?'

[Used the Avril character from 'Ladies Spanking Club' for this send-up of Ethics studies. Feel free to skip the 'Technical Blurb' sections if you just want the story.]

DILEMMA 1: When Avril was young, she once had the bad luck to be standing at the entrance to the girls' shower-block at her boarding school, at the worst possible time. To her left were the shower cubicles, where her friend Barbara was enjoying an illicit wank, stroking her clit with her eyes closed contentedly. To her right were the changing rooms where more of her friends - Connie, Dawn and Eve - were puffing away on smuggled cigarettes.

Just then Miss Fox, a much-feared teacher, entered the facility, walked past Avril and began to turn to the right. Avril's three friends were in imminent danger of a bare-bottom spanking with a gym shoe. This was the penalty for either smoking or self-abuse, and Miss Fox was known to lay it on hard until the unfortunate victim was yelling blue murder and promising not to repeat the offence. There was no time to warn anyone of her approach.

There was only one way Avril could save her three friends' rear ends - by diverting Miss Fox towards the shower stalls, and Barbara. Avril liked Barbara, and it was just not done to snitch on another girl. But if she said "Oh Miss Fox, there's a girl touching herself down there!", only one bare bottom would be reddened instead of three. What should she do?

THE ALTERNATIVES: Let's assume Avril is not like you and me, and wanted to see as FEW of her friends spanked as possible. If she spoke, she would have to hear Barbara's screech as she was caught with her panties down, and then her cries as the gymshoe whacked her bare cheeks again and again. After which, Avril would have to withstand Barbara's accusation that her blazing behind was all Avril's fault. Connie, Dawn and Eve might not even be grateful - they might only listen to the part where Avril snitched, a gross crime among her peers.

If she did nothing, well Miss Fox was heading towards her three friends anyway. At most, she could be accused of negligence in doing nothing to stop the triple spanking that would result. But it burned her conscience to imagine three girls bent over, bunched panties at various heights, while Miss Fox went down the line making them howl. Three red, sore bottoms when there could have only been one.

TECHNICAL BLURB: Utilitarians like Bentham and Mill would say Barbara has to sacrifice her bare behind, for 'the greatest good for the greatest number'. "Sorry Avril, you have to snitch" they would say, "to maximize overall happiness, i.e. achieve the highest number of unspanked bottoms." This consequentialist approach would be opposed by those whose view of moral choice is categorical, i.e. there are some things you don't do, whatever the consequences. "You just don't snitch, Avril", Kant would say. "That's a categorical imperative. So Corrine, Dawn and Eve must take their panties down".

OUTCOME: Avril diverted Miss Fox towards Barbara and listened with trembling lower lip as the poor girl suffered her fate. She tried to comfort her groaning friend afterwards, explaining the situation. "That's all very well" complained Barbara, "but it wasn't YOUR butt that was sacrificed. And Foxy warned me - if I'm caught again, I'll get a bare-bottom caning." The very idea caused all five girls to clutch their behinds defensively.


DILEMMA 2: The following week, unbelievably, the exact same situation occurred again. Except that this time, if Miss Fox was diverted toward the left, she would haul Barbara off to face the ultimate penalty - six thin welts across her bare cheeks.

THE ALTERNATIVES: Last time, Avril easily calculated what was the greater good. But did three slipperings add up to one caning in quantity of suffering? She tried to think of what SHE would rather have - a whacking with that gym shoe three times as long as normal? Surely that would reduce her to blubbering and tears by the end. Or would she rather touch her toes, panties down, and scream as the cane blazed across her tender cheeks six times? But hold on - nobody would have to endure a triple slippering - it would be taken by three different girls. Was a 'spanking shared' worth fewer tears?

TECHNICAL BLURB: To take a utilitarian view this time, Avril would have to engage in a cost-benefit analysis. Number of spankings multiplied by how much it hurts, and so on. Or she could abandon this approach and let the categorial imperative of not snitching be the deciding factor.

OUTCOME: Avril suddenly realised that she could call Miss Fox a nosey old bitch, to her face, and all four of her friends would be warned of the teacher's presence by Avril's own yelps of pain. She opened her mouth, but the sight of Miss Fox's gymshoe under her arm made Avril's voice freeze up in fear. No sound would come out. So Miss Fox continued into the changing rooms. Soon the facility was full of the yelps and pleadings of three bare-bottomed girls being whacked ferociously.


DILEMMA 3: The following term, Avril and her four friends were in their dorm when a pillow fight erupted. Such giggling, squealing combat was quite common, but this time two of the pillows split and feathers flew everywhere. Just then the dreaded footsteps of Mr Green (known for his painful use of the strap) could be heard coming down the hall. No time to clear up the mess, unless he was diverted. Avril remembered her aborted plan to invite a spanking for the sake of the others. If Mr Green stopped to wallop a bare behind out in the corridor, the feathers could be cleared away. Avril suggested the plan to the others, but just said 'somebody' should be the sacrificial lamb.

THE ALTERNATIVES: There were no immediate volunteers. Should they draw lots? Barbara suggested that Avril should take a strapping for the team, considering what happened last term. But Avril pointed out that Connie apparently had the most resilient posterior, since she yelled and cried the least whenever group spankings were dished out. "Let's vote on it" suggested Eve. There wasn't much time...

TECHNICAL BLURB: If one of the girls had volunteered to run out and barge into Mr Green (effectively taking her panties down and saying 'spank me, you bastard'), this would have constituted consent, thus preserving individual rights. If they had all agreed to draw lots, it would have been a social contract, also a form of consent. Picking Avril because of past unacceptable conduct represents the state's right to punish those who hurt others, e.g. by getting another girl spanked. When Connie was nominated as having the toughest bottom, a taxation system is proposed: take from those who can most afford it for the sake of the others. Finally, a vote would be majority rule, but what about the rights of minorities and individuals? Libertarians say democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner.

OUTCOME: Avril voted for Connie. Everybody else voted for Avril. She could have refused to be conscripted, but realised that if Mr Green entered the room as it was, she would get spanked anyway, along with the others. Shutting the door behind her she ran as fast as she could down the corridor (forbidden), out of bed without her dressing gown (forbidden) and crashed into Mr Green (suicidal at the best of times). Avril was soon bent over with her pyjama bottoms around her ankles. The others swept the feathers under the bed, while through the door the expected sounds came: "Ow! Ow! I'm sorry, Sir! Yeow! Please!"


DILEMMA 4: Dawn was the cleverest of Avril's friends, and it was she who concocted the substance that the girls called 'Hardass'. It was composed of onion pulp, sunburn lotion and a few other things. It's effect was to make the skin a little harder and a little numb. When they were called to a teacher's office, or spankings were otherwise imminent, they would take each other's panties down and smear it on their bottoms liberally. The slipper, the strap or the cane still hurt, but not as much. A lot of tears were saved by this much-valued potion, though a few teachers complained about the girls' new habit of 'eating raw onion'.

One weekend, the girls hopped the school fence to go into town, but were caught returning. "Get your school uniforms back on, and be at the Headmaster's office in fifteen minutes" said the groundskeeper who caught them. On returning to the dorm, the girls were horrified to see what a tiny amount of 'Hardass' was left in the last jar. At most, it would cover the buttocks of two of the five girls. But whose? Since the punishment for their crime was six with the cane, bottom bare, none of the girls was feeling generous.

THE ALTERNATIVES: Dawn said that since she invented the potion, she should get top priority. Avril said she had taken the strap to save them all a while ago, so she deserved it most. Eve claimed (to the other girls skepticism) that she had the smallest bottom, so there would be more left over for a second girl. Barbara suggested they share it equally and just cover the undercurve of their behinds, where the cane would hurt most. Other strokes would have to be endured full force, but by everyone - not just an unlucky majority. Connie's idea was to hide until they could make some more - they would get double the strokes, but all of them would get enough Hardass. Some of the girls thought that would end up hurting more. But Connie (who was the biggest and strongest girl) got tired of the argument, grabbed the jar, and pulled down her own panties. A fight broke out.

TECHNICAL BLURB: Dawn is a libertarian who thinks people are entitled to keep the products of their labour. Avril favours redistribution on the basis of a meritocracy. Eve values efficiency and productivity above all other considerations. Barbara, of course, is a socialist. Connie starts as a venture capitalist, but turns militarist (NeoConnie).

OUTCOME: While the others were grappling with Connie, Dawn snatched the jar and then yanked her own underwear to her knees while shouting something about owning the patent. The others diverted their attention to preventing her, and so it went on. At last, the Headmaster, cane in hand, arrived at the dorm to see why they hadn't reported to him. This caused such a startle that the jar flew up in the air then shattered on the floor. The Headmaster was confronted with the sight of a trashed dorm and a struggling heap of girls, several with their panties down. The shrieking and sobbing could be heard right across the campus as they all took twelve cane-strokes, on bottoms not protected by any clothing or any soothing substance.

I hope this has been enlightening.

KajiraGames - the spanking philosopher.